From Soulmate To Stranger

couples, dating, love, relationships, thoughts70 Comments
Today I bumped into a guy I hadn’t seen in 18 months at the office, by the water machine. He said a polite hello and then walked back to his desk. To an outsider it would have looked like any regular exchange that happens between two work colleagues but inside my heart plummeted right down to my stomach and almost out of my butt.
This guy was an ex, who I had split from 18 months ago and was one of the main drivers for me to move to London, to get away from him and the whole drama that surrounded our breakup.
Without going into too much detail, if you’ve read my previous post Why Being The Other Woman Has Skewed My Perception Of Men he’s the last guy on the list of guys where I have been the other woman.
When we eventually ended up together, a few months into the relationship he went to Ibiza and behaved differently when he came back. A picture surfaced on social media of him with a girl, it looked harmless, just the two of them stood next to each other. But my gut could tell there was more to it, I left him, and he is now engaged to that girl.
We met in work, at the water machine no less, and our relationship spiralled into a passionate, intense, all consuming time that was both incredible and draining. Above everything he was my best friend, I confided in him about everything, he knew my deepest darkest secrets.
And that’s why today, when I saw him again for the first time since we’d split, I felt an immense amount of sadness that all that time, passion and emotion had whittled down to nothing more than a simple passing hello.
There are millions of songs, books and films that talk about partners becoming nothing more than strangers but today was the first time I experienced it in such an obvious manner. It made me fear future relationships, how do we know we’re not investing all our time, efforts and love into someone that one day will be nothing more than a stranger to us?
To my readers – I’d love to know if you’ve ever experienced anything similar?

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I'm a 27 year old single girl in London, blogging about my dating adventures, London culture and my adventures around the world.

70 thoughts on “From Soulmate To Stranger”

  2. Oh yes, and it was so incredibly painful.

    “Back in March when Dawn saw me talking to one of the courtroom clerks and gave me those “Death Stares”, I can’t even begin to describe exactly how that made me feel. I was so happy to see her. I was so unhappy about how things had turned out. I wished that Dawn would have stopped and we could have talked, and was so hurt by just how much things have changed.”

    In hindsight, she had stopped and was kind of just hanging out behind a van in the parking lot, then looked like she was fumbling wit the door to the garage, and then drove by really slowly. Maybe those were my chances to go and try to talk with her, my chances to fix things.

    I hope not, because it would kill me to have missed an opportunity to let her know…

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    1. Thank you for sharing this story – I’m glad there are others that can relate! It’s hard to know whether they are genuine opportunities or whether we are ‘looking’ for them, I know that that is something I often to. I hope you are able to come across another opportunity!

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  4. Oh yes. Seven years ago I had a gut wrenching affair with a married man 15 years my senior. We took turns being emotionally ripped apart and devastated. Even after we ended things neither of us was over it one iota.

    I’m not sure what happened but finally, earlier this year, the spell was broken. When I get a text from him not only does my heart NOT skip a beat, I can’t even bothered to reply. His birthday recently passed and I barely noticed. When he texts me his picture I think: Good heavens, what was I thinking?

    It makes me sad as it makes me doubt all my current emotions. Will they one day drift into the ether like smoke?

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    1. Thank you for sharing your story – yo u must feel proud that he no longer has a hold on you. I’m sure your emotions won’t drift like they have done for him.. it was probably down to how to the situation ended and how you felt ’emotionally ripped apart’, when you find someone that doesn’t do that, I’m sure you’ll be just fine 🙂

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      1. thanks for your kind words!

        I tell myself the same thing. The whole affair- while sometimes beautiful, was ruinous for both of us emotionally. I think my “indifference” is more “shellshock” than fickleness.

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  5. Yes, I think it happens to everyone… at least anyone lucky enough to fall in love multiple times.

    Needless to say, it has certainly happened to me many times. However, I think each relationship is a gift. There’s a reason for everything… and a reason each relationship ends.

    It is sad to think about love lost but people change. Those who are important enough will remain in my life.

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  6. Not my place to comment, as a man and of another generation, but one thing I would like to say is to my mind you can write, you can hold attention, use words in a way that more than your age can relate, there is more than a blog in you I feel. Good luck to you.

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      1. Good to hear … my first book based on an internet liaison (not mine!) will be out by March with a 5000 word ‘preview’ coming out online in an ‘Anthology of New Writing’ early in the New Year. Please let me know how you get on with yours.. Eric.

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  8. Something similar happened to me. Had a short but very intense relationship with a guy from work which he then 180d on. Was working with him a couple of months later and making polite conversation, and mentioned something about how his parents give him loads of money.

    He asked “How did you know that?” Errm… BECAUSE WE USED TO GO OUT. In that small moment I just knew he’d completely forgotten about me.

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    1. Girl, I had an intense short-term relationship that got 180d too… I hear you. I hope he finally took his head out of his ass and realized who you are! Did you ever get an explanation from him about why the sudden change?

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  9. You’re not alone! I also fear relationships. It’s a huge investment of time and the heart. What if it doesn’t work out? That is the first thing that pops into my mind, as opposed to What if this is the one? Some of us have to kiss a few frogs to find our prince. Don’t give up, there’s a good guy out there, go find him x

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  10. God, I feel that way about anyone I date… if there was good sex and even sometimes passion, it’s hard for me to let go… and if we see each other somewhere down the road after it ended it’s a bit awkward and sad in a way. Luckily that hasn’t happened to me yet, it’s just how I imagine it would be.

    There’s one guy in particular I had an intense whirlwind of a relationship with that I still think about from time to time, and I’ve been in situations where I’d see him (but I saw him out of the corner of my eye only once, and not sure he saw me). I was going to say hi in an attempt to be polite and avoid any awkwardness, but he’d already left before I could. I still wonder what it would be like if we were in a position to have a conversation, and what would happen.

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  11. It is a big risk! But with no risk you don’t gain anything. Now you are much wiser to things and can read warning signs better and hopefully it won’t happen again. In terms of a meaningful time shared with someone only boiling down to a short hello, I understand how it may hurt but if he did you wrong then I wouldn’t see any point in talking to him. It’s worked out for the best and you can focus on a better future 😊

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  12. I got a couple of stories for you ….

    I ran into my ex once at a chinese restraunt one day as I was coming home from work. I had just gotten married and out of the blue who did I see ???Her! awkward!!!! She asked how I was and I said fine and she congratulated me on getting married, she then announce she is getting married as well to someone I didn’t know. Awkward …again.

    But best one is at my mother’s funeral my ex wife shows up with our grandkids and my son and I show up with my then fiancé (now my wife) and my ex wife walks over and ask…so are you going to introduce us ? Which I did…several of my aunts were there and saw the whole exchange they even said wow that must be awkward lol

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  13. It is real sad for me that my ex-husband and I don’t speak at all. We were married for 23 years and our kids are grown. If we do talk about anything, we fight. I called to ask about his mom after she had a heart attack and we ended up fighting. It is easier to not talk to him at all. I have no idea what is going on in his life, nor he mine.

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  14. After knowing my ex and being the best of friends for 6 years he finally gave into the love he felt for me. He knew I loved him. He knew I ran away to England just so I could forget him. I called off my wedding to a Scotsman and came home to NY. We wound up dating for almost 2 years. He was married but I didn’t care because I was a better match. We’re soulmates. When we broke up I spent 2 months crying, not eating and wishing he would come to his sense. And I still couldn’t let him go. We are still the best of friends. We still text and have lunch together. And I still miss him.

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  18. You’ve read my blog, so you know I’ve gone through some rough breakups, and honestly, other than the Boy, all of them have turned into strangers! But that doesn’t make it meaningless. Each one has given me some insight into myself and what I want. When they’re not a good fit, you’ve got to decide which parts are what you’re looking for and which parts made them just not quite the one. Then take that insight into the next relationship and make sure not to repeat the same mistakes. Doesn’t make it hurt any less when you do run into them… at least not if you’re single at the time, but it helps give some perspective in the long run. Hang in there! Thanks for sharing your feelings with us!

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  19. I remember when I was with my previous ex, and we were walking through a busy street in the centre of town, and a really pretty girl nodded at him and he said, ‘hello’, curtly. I remember asking him who she was and he told me she was his ex girlfriend of four years. And they seemed like almost strangers on the street. I remember feeling immensely sad because in my gut I knew eventually him and I would be ‘nodding’ at each other on the streets, whittled down to mere strangers. Looking back, I am disappointed I stuck with him knowing that in my gut. I guess sometimes there are early warning signs that we shouldn’t be putting that much effort into things we might regret later on down the line, but we cling on hoping that things might get better or change. I guess in the end, though, we DO learn from these experiences, and they aren’t complete wastes of time! I wish you all the very best. 🙂
    Lenora

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    1. Thank you very much for sharing this, I guess its a case of do we allow ourselves to fall in love knowing that one day we may end up hurt, or do we not even allow ourselves to leap into relationships? But you’re right in that they definitely are all experiences to learn from in one way or another 🙂 x

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  20. I absolutely adore this post, it would be interesting to swap stories I think. Sounds like the story of my life! Being the other woman is heartbreaking. Heart goes out to you girl! Xx

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  22. I can definitely relate, I was with my ex-wife for 19 years and two and a half years on from breaking up I don’t know her at all anymore. I wrote about the transition from life partners to strangers, it’s such a strange and difficult thing to go through.

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    1. I’ll have to read your post on that – it definitely is a difficult thing to go through and I can’t begin to imagine how difficult it must be after almost 20 years of marriage – sending you a virtual hug 🙂

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  23. I feel like I’ve skipped to this point in a matter of weeks. I wished her well on her assignments, she said thanks. That’s all we had for each other after months of conversations, laughs, plans and excitement. Good luck on a grade you won’t even remember in a year.

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  25. This is to relatable…. I was talking to a guy for a year, we became friends, hung out had a great time, a couple of weeks ago he disrespected me. He talked all of this stuff when I was on the east coat, when I got here only saw him one time, and he tried to move so quick. I thought …well I was open to him being the one… he even said he loved me, but couldn’t back it up. Now we’re strangers. And it’s like damn. He shows up at my house looking for me. Never tells me how he feels. Always holds back. He said I wasn’t ready for a relationship, but truth is he wasn’t.

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  26. Most guys… or guys like that are never best friends with anybody. They could not live without sex either. Sorry to say this. I am a bloke and have to share changerooms with them. They often get men like me to clean up their spew so to speak. I kick the footy with their kids when they are too drunk. I don’t sleep with their wives because I respect…. something. They chatter in millions and spend in thousands. They have never fought for their lives… or anyone else’s. They would be incredulous if it were suggested that she ever fakes it. Not that they care. Last time I asked one where the G spot was I had to listen to him talk about his sphincter. No on her I fought to stop his little talk. Us men are not complicated. Boring really. You guys give us too much credit and often go for liars. All that glitters ain’t gold. Most of them have never stood up for themselves. They will usually stand up for their right to cheat though… because the only fight they can ever win is always in their own home

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  27. we don’t know, we take chances, we improvise. we have no idea how it’s gonna end. I here you. I have an ex, I was so crazy about him, it lasted for 5 years on and off and it was finally done last September. Haven’t ran into him just yet and hoping it doesn’t happen anytime soon but, but I sometimes think about how we would probably pass each other by and that makes me sad a bit at times. But it is what it is and I think it does get easier with time and truth be told, a lot better if we are lucky enough that new face (right one) replaces the old face 🙂

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    1. I’m sorry to hear that! But I’m glad you have a positive outlook on it. Time is definitely the biggest healer and I can assure you that one day even if you do pass them in the street you won’t flinch or look twice!

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